I tried you. You were okay. You certainly possessed a strong eggnog essence, complete with nutmeg sprinkled throughout your crumbly entrails. But your blandness was uninspiring and your layer of frosting too thin. My daughter and I unenthusiastically consumed you, skimming off your glaze and then picking at your dry bottom half (as if you were a muffin, which you definitely were not).
I wished you were bigger until I went to the Starbucks website and discovered that you’re 480 calories with 19 grams of fat. Perhaps I could order you again and forget your artery-obstructing properties and banality if you were made with real rum.
Most likely, next time, I’ll just order your cousin––the reduced fat cinnamon swirl coffee cake.