Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative

~Oscar Wilde

I did some things right yesterday. I brushed my teeth. I Christmas shopped (a little). I refrained from screaming my head off the 45th time Fruit Bat announced he wanted to hit me. And Kitty Cat too. His frequent grumblings about how he hoped to pummel someone became such a mantra that I almost wished he would haul off and belt me one so I could punish him. As it was, I was trying to be democratic. I reminded myself that he was using his words and not his hands. Blah, blah, blah.

Yes, hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Pansy Ass Violet.

Or so infers my husband. "Fruit Bat needs swift and firm discipline", he declared last night.

Well, yes, he does, Dr. Phil. But I don't think it's that easy.

There are so many variables that makes cut and dried discipline hard for me to pull off. First of all, there's the fatigue and hunger factors. If Fruit Bat is tired or hasn't had protein in, oh, the last twenty minutes (especially if it's because I've been dragging him around to various stores buying pretty things, or even necessary things), it seems unfair to come down hard on him for whining or kicking a toy across the room.

If Kitty Cat has infringed on his space, which he sometimes desperately needs and which she often does not respect and he swats at her (his "hitting" usually amounts to this--soft whap-whap-whaps--not that I'm excusing the whaps, just sayin') I don't think stashing him in time out without also punishing her is right. And I frankly believe two-and-a-half is too young for much that's punitive.

There are also the mishaps that occur when my back is turned and I have to take Fruit Bat's word that he didn't mean to crush Kitty Cat's fingers in the salad spinner, that it was an accident, or call him a liar. Which I already do too much of.

I try. I really try. He had a time-out this afternoon. After-dinner dessert was retracted. And he suffered much hissing and snapping of my weary tongue. I really attempt to weigh all the variables, give him the benefit of the doubt when I can, choose my battles and allow him to save face in small ways, while I control the larger issues.

Apparently, I did a lot of things wrong today.

Before my sweet, first baby grew into a willful preschooler (always before) I thought yes, of course: Firm and swift. Firm and swift.

I never, in my most vivid and demented daydreams, thought consistency would be this hard to achieve.

Comments

[Lyssa Ireland Thomas]

I hate consistency! Yet, it seems to be the only thing that works.

Good luck, pookie!

[Burgh Baby's Mom]

I got here via Madame Queen, and I'm so glad I did. Laughing, laughing, laughing (not at this post, at some others).

Good luck with the consistency thing. I myself am a master (my nose just grew 4 inches, does that mean something?), but dear gawd my husband is AWFUL about it. AWFUL. Most of his conversations with our Toddler go something like this:

Toddler: "Want ____"
Daddy: "No"
Toddler: "Want ____!"
Daddy: "No"
Toddler: "WANT ____!"
Daddy: "Fine. Here. Now leave me alone."

[mama's got moxie]

i'm glad to see i'm not the only one who excuses my child's wacky behavior by saying, "but he's tired..." or "he hasn't eaten..." or "he's just cranky today..." hahaha... then there are times when i just don't have any other excuse except that, well, he's two. what do you expect? ha!

[nutmeg]

Trust yourself. It's such a delicate balancing act and you know best how to do it. I've learned to just shake my head yes at Nathan and tell him he's right when he points out how I should be doing it. Then I leave him alone with all four kids for twelve hours. Straightens him right out.

[Emily R]

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

Emerson had it right, I think. A wise consistency, well, that's a different story. So, be consistent about discipline, but remember, that can mean time-outs when you feel HE needs it. A time out for a child who is hungry works for some (helps them calm down) but just infuriates others. You know him, so you know when he will need it most.

[Dara]

Ugh. It is so hard, isn't it? It's my four year old that starts the hitting. And, they both like to tattle on each other. And, they tell each other, "Don't talk to me about it!" if they are in an argument.

Sometimes, I just put myself in a time out.

[Madame Queen]

My mom is trying to teach me what she calls verbal judo. She keeps telling me to just not respond when they're pushing my buttons. If I don't respond, then they don't have anything to smart mouth back to. But it's hard.

[Lulu]

Look here Pansy Ass Violet...don't second guess yourself. It seems to me that you are doing a fine job with these youngins.

And I'm sure that you'll rest much easier now knowing that Lulu says so.

[Lulu]

Oh, and I tagged you for a meme. PLEASE don't feel obligated, but just in case you're bored...

http://luluslaundryblog.com/2007/12/05/you%e2%80%99re-a-mean-one-mrs-grinch/

[JCK]

I am SO with you on this today. My 4 year old boy did an overnight change a month or so ago. He is willful, naughty and loves to do things for our reaction. It is a horrible time. I need to dust off my Positive Discipline books.

[Mrs. G.]

Oh and you think consistency is hard now?Just wait until they are teenagers and can articulately debate you...and win. Laughing WITH you, not at you.

[Michelle]

Wow, I totally found this by accident because I wanted to know where that quote came from. This is so funny! I can totally relate! I'll have to read your other entries now.