Thanks for all the birthday wishes, you. It's been a bit of an odd one. I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps it's because I awoke at 2:30 am and laid in bed worrying. Concerns of a hypochondriac, mostly.
I was preoccupied with my heartbeat and wondering why it fluttered so. I puzzled why I've felt so tired and nauseated and slightly off the last few days. Then Fruit Bat came thundering down to our room whimpering that he'd just had a dream about losing a finger (my fault for relaying a story about my grandfather's abbreviated digit--lawn mower accident).
Anyway, it was a weird early morning.
I let Fruit Bat sleep in. We were 20 minutes late for preschool and guilt taunted me for letting him rest, but hindering his social integration into class.
Then, J.'s mom, who is here for two weeks, Kitty Cat and I went for breakfast. That was fun. That was normal.
I have a glorious, glorious sitter right now for four hours. I decided to do a little shopping at Pier One because one of my fondest birthday memories, oddly, is of leaving work early on a December 19th about 12 years ago, shopping at Pier One and then lounging around my apartment until party time that night (Back before party time meant toppling into bed and losing myself to a book).
This day though, at Pier One, the sparkle and music and magnitude of stuff made me dizzy. I did buy a few small things. Afterward, I came to Cupcake Royale, about which I've mentioned my admiration before, thinking: dim lights, hushed voices, lots of people on laptops.
But Dear Schnauzer, it is sensory overload. Loud U2ish tunes, thousands of people, voices rising like a helix into the frosting-scented air.
After this post I think I might leave early. Perhaps meditate in my car.
I sometimes wish my birthday fell in sunny July and not so close to the coldest, darkest day of the year. But it is only two days away from the Winter Solstice. And in it, I have to find some cheer. While suppressing thoughts of serious sickness that want to revolve around my brain like little moons.
HAPPY birthday!!!
Posted by: AbsolutelyBananasa | December 19, 2007 at 11:30 PM
Not to freak you out or anything, but my heart always flutters like that when I'm pregnant. In fact, that's how I've known BOTH times that I was pregnant. Any chance? :)
Posted by: Madame Queen | December 20, 2007 at 03:16 AM
I want someone to throw me a Princess Birthday Party and play pin the tail on the donkey. Do you suppose that's what you needed?
BTW, this sentence was brilliant - "While suppressing thoughts of serious sickness that want to revolve around my brain like little moons." Beautifully written.
Posted by: Lyssa Ireland Thomas | December 20, 2007 at 07:36 AM
I'm not a big fan of this time of year. Or approaching 40. I crave sunlight. And youth. Actually, not youth: just a smooth forehead and thighs that don't sploosh flat whenever I sit down.
Posted by: The Mom Bomb | December 20, 2007 at 07:59 AM
I thought "pregnant", too!!!
Posted by: Dara | December 20, 2007 at 08:13 AM
I also thought "pregnant"! I remember feeling similarly when I was turning 29 (oh that was so long ago now) because it meant I was too close to 30 and I was freaking out. But by the time 30 did roll around I was kind of excited about it. Here's hoping that this is your mind's way of preparation.
And I still agree with whoever it was that said to go buy that Coach bag now. Why wait?
Posted by: Tootsie | December 20, 2007 at 08:49 AM
Heck no. I am definitely not pregnant. But I can understand that deduction.
Posted by: All Adither | December 20, 2007 at 08:57 AM
feel better!! and dang, i wish you were feeling more up to it because pier 1 is having one heck of a sale right now!! :) i just spent way too much time (and money) there the other day.
Posted by: mama's got moxie | December 21, 2007 at 11:07 AM
Happy Belated Birthday to you!
I have similar fond memories of Pier One. And I can recall the same let down one year when I walked into the store excited and walked out with a few things I felt I had to buy to keep my excitement in check - along with a headache from the overwhelming scented candles.
Dang I loved the memories I had of that store before that day!
I hope you had a wonderful day, though - mine is also in the middle of the coldest season!
Posted by: Leanne | December 22, 2007 at 06:02 AM
Just passing through. Loved reading your blog this evening. I have always wanted to write a book as well. Joined a writing group this year, but still not writing enough. Practice makes perfect..
Best of luck.
Posted by: Mom2 | March 05, 2008 at 09:05 PM