It is better to receive than to give

I think I've finally chipped the dried batter from my hair and scrubbed the fudgy frosting from under my nails. I'm so tired of the cakes. Really. I can't imagine ever wanting another one.

At least until next week.

Overall, the birthdays have gone well. Kitty Cat, on her special day, most wanted scrambled eggs–a delicacy since she can only have them when Fruit Bat is in Pre-K. So we went to Patty's Eggnest, and, of course, despite all the Duncan Hines I'd been sampling and the eyeballs jellybeans I'd been popping, I felt compelled to order a stack of pancakes. This was right after inhaling a giant turkey sandwich for lunch.

Kitty Cat ate eggs and ate eggs and was flexible and sweet and appreciative of her gifts.

Fruit Bat's birthday started out smoothly, but began to fall apart toward the afternoon. I should say HE began to fall apart. In his defense, this was the first full week in his brand new class. He's busy adjusting. He's busy "taking social risks", which is what his teachers, and J. and I, want. He's tired.

So, I wasn't totally surprised that he screamed like the roof was caving in when we asked him for a brief photo op (a quick pic of him in front of one of the many cakes I'd slaved over). I also wasn't too taken aback when he whined (nay, shrieked), later in the evening, because two of his gifts were intended to be shared with his sister. I was mortified by his greed. But the tantrum itself? Not too shocking.

We ended up confiscating the remainder of his presents and lecturing him mercilessly on gratitude.

The next morning, I made him sign five thank you notes before he could open the presents we'd cruelly seized.

For the last 24 hours, I've been cursing the American Birthday Dream. There's SO MUCH. All the gifts and sweets that have pushed our kids' expectations to grander, more decadent plateaus.

I like to think we're fairly modest in our giving. Fruit Bat and Kitty Cat each received two smallish presents from us, a few humble trinkets from our families. And our birthday party tomorrow will consist of four friends. No clowns. No mimes. No bounce house. Not that there's anything wrong with those indulgences. They are just not us.

We'll have some play. Cake (of course). Then a treasure hunt for goody bags.

My relationship with goody bags, as well, is complicated. Bristling. I don't like them. I don't like that, as a kid, we used to get paper cups half filled with M&Ms (and we were satisfied with that. And how old and crotchety do I sound?) and now, if Fruit Bat receives a nifty gifty that is actually a high quality toy rather than a bag filled with a dozen pieces of junk, he feels cheated.

But, still, I partake. Just today I bought several pieces of crap for my child to hand to his best friends tomorrow afternoon.

They will love him for it. And, as long as he's not yelping that I didn't provide sparkly enough swag, I will smile tenderly at his cronies, my heart melty that he has friends as good as these. And we will all feel lucky again.

Comments

[AndreAnna]

Gosh, I didn't realize kids' birthday parties were so complicated.

Happy Birthday!!

[donna]

As a kid I had never known about the grab bag/gift for guests. My mom had done parties for us numerous times, and it really was about getting together with family and friends and having a good time. Besides, we were poor.
Then, I was invited to a party at a childhood friend's b-day party (whose parents made a little-bit-a-money) and the guest-gift was a small dry eraser board. I thought her gift to me was waaaay cooler than what I had gotten her (and I felt really bad).

Can I have some cake?

[noble pig]

Oh my gosh, that was so cute! Love the kitty. Very creative.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Sounds like all of your family birthdays converge together like ours. It's a festival of cakes...until the end of April and then cake is officially dead to me until the next year.

[amanda]

So relieved to know I am not the only one flummoxed by the intensity and importance of goody bags.

[Betsy Bird]

I can relate about Fruit Bat. When my oldest turned 5 (nearly 13 years ago), he had developed some very particular ideas about how birthdays should be celebrated -- i.e., we were supposed to do things exactly how they did in the Barney Birthday video. After about the third time that he told everyone they were not marching up from the basement with a lit cake singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" THE RIGHT WAY!!!!!!, we had to have a little talk about gratitude and going with the flow.

Not having to think about goody bags is one of the high points of having teenagers. Spending too much money on a bunch of shoddy crap made by underpaid Chinese girls turned my stomach, but I always felt I had no choice. I do remember a party one of my kids attended where every kid got one egg-shaped package of Silly Putty. That was all. And they were utterly fascinated with it, since it's from the old days.

[Tootsie Farklepants]

My husband's family is so large that my kids get WAAAYYY too much. So much, that often months later, there are still gifts that were never opened (unwrapped but not opened). Those get donated.

I tried to have a gift free birthday party in the past for my oldest. I even wrote on the invites "Don't bring a gift, I'm not kidding. Just come and play in the bounce house and have pizza and cake that's ALL he wants. Promise". People do NOT know how to come to a party without one. He got gifts.

[Lisa Milton]

It warms my heart to know not everybody else does the huge huge parties. It's exhausting.

That cake turned out lovely. Really.