1. Post pictures of hot men (and women). Naked.
2. Post pictures of yourself. Naked.
3. Shoot a video so funny that it turns viral and points people back to your site.
4. Post pictures and videos of animals and babies doing cute things. Add captions in a gibberish vernacular that takes months for a normal person to decipher.
5. Fancy yourself a pundit and post political commentary. That actually makes sense. And sounds educated.
6. Post in painful detail about new techie gadgets.
7. Steal celebrity pictures from Flickr and post snarky commentary. Bonus: Doesn't matter if it's well written. Typos abound? That's A-Ok.
8. Post photoshop tutorials.
9. Post newsletters to your children.
10. Post scads and scads of images of your livestock.
11. Post anything at all about jeans.
12. Post anything at all about handbags.
13. Post anything at all resembling beauty advice or beauty product reviews.
14. Post recipes featuring lots of butter and red meat.
15. Include the word Hack in the title of your blog.
16. Change your banner once a month.
17. Post about how to make money blogging.
18. Post a directory of cool links.
19. Start a big magazine or tv station and spin off a blog from that.
Frequently all of the above will fail to work
Things NOT to do when trying to Super Monetize your blog:
1. Neglect to find a niche.
2. Copy bloggers who write monthly newsletters to their child.
3. Copy bloggers who post recipes featuring lots of butter and red meat.
4. Insert the word Hack into the title of your blog even though it makes no sense.
5. Write a bunch of PhotoShop tutorials. Conveniently forget that you just stole the application from a friend a few days ago and don't know for layers.
6. Ignore other bloggers. Do not reply to comments. Ever.
7. Post obnoxious audio on your site without warning readers.
8. Email all the big bloggers while you're still in your Typepad two-week trial and ask them to put you on their blogrolls.
9. Comment on others' blog posts with nothing but a link back to your site.
Frequently all of the above will actually work.
And you'll be rich.
Update: Sorry for the spacing issues that make the end of this so frustrating to read