Stuff white, upper middle class, stay-at-home moms do

Or, probably, just THIS particular white, stay-at-home mom:

• She sits at a stoplight in hybrid SUV listening to an iPod while a hungry man holding a cardboard sign peers into her window and asks for help. No drinking, he says. Anything she could offer would be appreciated. She shakes her head No, feels a moment of poignant regret, then decides she will blog about it once she gets home and tell all her internet friends about the poignant regret.

• She listens to This American Life podcast about two guys who chose homelessness as a lifestyle. (Called Social Engineering for anyone who's interested) She thinks about man at stoplight and wonders if he chose homelessness as a lifestyle. Rejects this idea. His milky blue eyes were too desperate.

• Later that afternoon, she sips tea at coffee shop while typing on a laptop and mourning slow wi-fi connection. Lets mind drift to stoplight man again. Wonders about social programs and how good they are. Realizes depths of her ignorance.

Comments

[good&crazy]

Did you read The Glass Castle?

Hard to believe the 'I choose this lifestyle' bit. But after city living, I realized anyone without a ton of family, is only a few steps from complete homelessness, choice or not. And that always freaked me.

But stopping, in your car, to give out spare change? I don't do that either.

Also hate when they give me a long story..I'd rather, please help me, thanks.

[JCK]

I rarely give homeless people money, but when I don't...I think about it for a while afterwards.

[noble pig]

I don't hand out money. The regular guy at my grocery store asking for hand outs...we were picking up our dry cleaning together last week. I don't think the hand outs are the answer either.

[Madame Queen]

Whenever I don't give something to a homeless person I always wonder if that was Jesus in disguise and if I've now failed. I hate that regret.

[Fannie]

Here is something I learned from a co-worker who has been in social service for a LONG TIME. Keep bottles of water, granola bars and fruit in your car. (In the winter she keeps hats and gloves) If they are hungry and thirsty? They will gladly accept these things.

[Melanie Beanpaste]

I think I'm in the minority here, and maybe I'm a naive bumpkin, but I always give out cash if I have some. And I really do try to offer it with grace, no agenda, because at the end of the day: need is need. Maybe he needs a sandwich, maybe he needs to wash his clothes, maybe he needs a drink. When you're hurting, need is need.

[Melanie Beanpaste]

Forgot to add: I say this from the relative safety of Boise. I will admit that I was a bit unnerved (read: slightly scared shitless) by some encounters in NYC.

[jenn]

Yeah, me too.

[goteeman]

Rough topic. Hard to know what to do there, but I tend to err on the side of taking the guy to the nearest foodstore and getting him some grub, although for a lady alone, I don't recommend it...

I like the idea about carrying water and granola bars, hats, gloves, etc... maybe gift certificates to restaurants, etc...

I don't think handouts really solve the problem, but in the absence of real solutions, at least it's doing something...

I sometimes pull through a local drive through, buy food and then hand it out as well... the really hungry folks appreciate it..

J/

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

Um. You're not ignorant. You're thinking.

I pretty much tend to give out money. Sometimes food.

[MommyTime]

Life can be pretty humbling if we let it, huh? I like the food stash in the car idea a lot -- safer than taking an unknown man into your car to go somewhere to purchase a meal. I prefer food to money as something to give, but that's just me.

[Heidi]

I remember reading an article about people who purposefully quit their jobs and then make more money begging on the side of the road. I have a hard time giving money simply because I feel like there are so many opportunities out there for anyone. One the other hand, I do occasionally give away my leftovers from a restaurant or something real (like food) that I know will benefit. It is such a tough call.

[slouching mom]

number one is something i'd do. or not do, as the case was.

(embarrassed about it.)

[Jennifer]

To Noble Pig: That's so freaking funny.

Great post, definitely got me thinking. Love your blog!

[Andrea's Sweet Life]

I think it's great that you're even paying attention. I was just reading an article in People about an epidemic of homeless people who have jobs, cars... but no place to live because of the current economy. It's a scary thing.

My small community has fairly decent programs for the homeless. They are religion-based, which is quite normal. There is also a "camp" which the police keep an eye on and don't kick the homeless out of. I have a friend who takes her dogs down there every morning and passes out food as she goes. The dogs have served as an ice-breaker, and have helped bridge the gap between her and the homeless.

In high school, we had a program where we volunteered to cook and clean up at the Rescue Mission. Some of us spent time trying to get to know the homeless, who often feel INVISIBLE. Many of them are regular people who made some bad decisions and never could get back on track. Some are mentally ill, and some are addicts.

When I am getting rid of my clothes and my kids' clothes, I donate them to a local church who has a "yard sale" for homeless women and children. They're given coupons to trade in for clothes and shoes, etc. It's a very worthwhile program!

Getting involved can be HEART WRENCHING, but also very, very rewarding. It can also help change your perspective on a lot of things!

[Deirdre]

I give as much as I can. I'm not that religious, but that is definitely a time when I think, "What would Jesus do?". And, there's another phrase that comes to mind ... "There, but for the grace of God, go I". I was homeless for a year when I turned 18 (nice family, huh?), and I never would have survived and picked myself back up without the help I received from total strangers.

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

I'll admit I was more generous before I was laid off but I give what I can, when I can. I prefer to give food or water over money. In my mind the money will only go toward something that put them on the street to begin with (so naive and stereotypical, especially in this economy, but I can't help it). Great post.

[Mr Furious]

When I lived in NYC I was fairly generous with the homeless. I also had more to spare...

We just recently moved to Asheville, NC where there is a suprising number of "panhandling." Some from truly downtrodden, and to much from seemingly perfectly fit, able and functional teen and twenty-somethings, who appear to quite literally have chosen their situation.

I'd like to help someone who really needs it when I can, but I rarely carry cash AT ALL anymore. But I have a pretty zero-tolerance policy for annoying approaches or invasions of space, especially with my family around.

A guy surprised me as I was loading the back of the minivan (not with food, with luggage) with Mrs F and the kids inside, "Excuse me, b—"

I was exhausted and in a bad mood, and I cut him off at the chase and declared, "I'm sorry, I don't have any money, I can't help you out right now."

He became defensive and said, "What makes you think I want your money?"

"Because I don't know you, and you are walking up to me to ask me for something?" And I got in the car and left. No regrets that time.