Why does my child's sickness bring out the worst in me?

Kitty Cat is sick.

Not the kind of sick where her nose is stuffy and maybe she's a little warm.

The kind of sick where she takes a drink of 7-Up and barfs. Takes another drink of 7-Up and barfs. Takes another drink of 7-Up and barfs.

And then I take away the 7-Up.

The kind of sick where she's singeing the bed covers with fever.

The kind of sick where she just lies on my bed, or the couch, staring at the ceiling.

The kind of sick where she's missing school for the week  which means it's Mommy Time for me day and night.

Yesterday I was full of healthy optimism that she'd kick this thing's ass! And fast! Some 7-Up and Saltines and she'd be on her way back to preschool by Thursday. I wore decent clothes and sat with her on the bed, then bustled around doing laundry and chores, then sat with her some more.

But this morning, at around 7, after three hours of diving for Kitty Cat's barf bowl and fetching her sips of water while sleeping in snatches, Fruit Bat woke us with a ukulele serenade.

This morning, at around 7, I was bleary and headachy and IRATE. I snarled and cried and slammed a few doors. Just another hour of sleep was all I wanted. Was what I felt I DESERVED. And it took every ounce of my restraint not to smash his beloved ukulele to tiny bits.

Not my finest mothering moment. Or human moment for that matter.

And now I'm in sweats, my brain operating as though clogged with bits of soggy cardboard, just wanting some time where I don't have to nurture anyone.

Why?

Why can't I just make it through one bad week and think: Yeah, this sucks. But it's just one week. You can set aside your stupid manuscript-that-no-one-will-ever-buy for one week, let the chores go and focus on what's really important: your child's health. For. One. Week.

Why does my child's sickness bring out the worst in me?

Comments

[Emily R]

It's interesting you ask this. I think some parents are like that, able to hold it together through bad weeks and retain perspective. Then there are the rest of us -- the majority, I daresay -- who do what we have to do but get awfully grumpy about it.

I'll bet that, like me, there are times you CAN just have a bad week with good grace, just not all the time. That may be because we're human.

[Carrie]

Let me know if you figure it out. I'm so with you on this one.

[Jen @ blissfully caffeinated]

When they're sick it just sucks everything out of you. And they don't sleep so you can't sleep. It doesn't bring out the best in anyone. I hope you get some rest, and that kitty cat feels better soon, and fruit bat stays un-vomity. -hug-

[Mrs. G.]

I think it's because illness brings out NEED in concentrated doses--it's exhausting. But you're right--surrender.

[Janeen]

Oh man, I act like this when he has nightmare. I try to be "supportive mom" when they are sick but secretly inside, I'm not happy. At least you can fit in your skinny jeans. I just got off the phone with my mom and she informed me "That your jeans make you look large". Thanks. If I wasn't crabby before that, I certainly am now. Pass the chips please....

[Madame Queen]

I think it's the lack of sleep, the worry. The feeling that you're getting nothing done. And also being THE go-to person for everybody. Sometimes *I* just want to be sick so someone will take care of me (without the actual being sick part).

Hope Kitty Cat is feeling better soon!

[Zellmer]

I get this way when my kids get sick, too. I don't know why. I get irritable in a rabid, PMS kind of way. I think it's your subconscious way of getting mad at the sickness, a mother's way of trying to defend her child when she has no real physical defense to offer. I'm no scientist, but that's my two cents.

I do hope everyone starts feeling better soon.

[vodkamom]

because you're human. that's why.

[JCK]

Lack of sleep. The way to madness...

It happens to all of us.

[csquaredplus3]

This is why mothering is so difficult. The steep roller-coaster of emotions. You're doing great and I'm certain you're not alone in your self-assessment.

BTW, I will buy your book. Promise. :)

[Laura]

It's a thankless job. They are sick, you have to stop everything to take care of them, yet stuff still needs to be done. Frustrating!

I will say this though, with all due respect. I just got back from a visit to St. Judes Reseach Hospital. Count your blessings, some parents deal with this for months on end not knowing if their child will ever get better.

[All Adither]

Laura--I totally agree. I have to take Fruit Bat to Children's Hospital once a year for a blood draw and Holy Cow. There's nothing like it to make you realize you lucky you are. I thought about that, and about how ungrateful I might sound while I was writing this post. But I decided to go ahead with it because of how terrible my little tantrums make me feel and because I was hoping that if another mom was going through this (short, temporary, not-really-that-bad-in-the-big-scheme-of-things) situation, she'd feel a little sisterhood.

That and I like to blow off steam in the form of my blog :-P

[Heidi]

Ohhh Nooo, it's up there too? I think 90% of the elementary school has been sick over the last two weeks. Kieran did the barfy thing on Monday. Having him in a cast puts a nice twist on the, "IN The Bucket" part. When the "snottys" or the "barfys" show up so does the surly sailor language (from me). Sleep, must have sleep!
"The amount of sleep I require is just one more hour". I think the husband just blissfully unaware of everything ups the anti too.
This too shall pass.

[Stacy (mama-om)]

Oh! The lack of sleep is terrible! I hope everyone in your house is feeling better... and that you can sleep soon.

[InTheFastLane]

I can deal with my kids being sick, when they are really sick and don't move. It is when they are only kinda sick, but kinda whiny that I get grumpy. Now, when my husband gets sick? That I can't deal with. That makes me REALLY gumpy. It also makes me a big B**** and makes the Mr. and I get in arguments. It is best that he stay healthy, really.

[rachel]

Oh I am the SAME way. I think it's lack of sleep, and also that crushing fear that Mommy will get sick too. Because then who will take care of you? Flu already - that seems really unfair. Hope she's feeling better soon and no one else catches the cooties.

[Cactus Petunia]

I haven't had to deal with sick kids for awhile, even though at 24 and 28, they still call me on the phone and make me worry whenever they're sick...But I was no Florence Nightingale when they were little, either. 24 hours of throwing up and fevers is about all I could take before I was ready to break. Then Dad had to take over.

You'll be fine. She'll be fine.

And the book? It will be FINE!

[Kristy]

I will go one better: it makes me angry when my kids hurt themselves, because I have to deal with it! How's that for sucky momness? In my defense, with four kids someone is constantly hurting themselves, but still...

[M&Co.]

If it makes you feel any better, I don't think I'm particularly good with the kids when they are sick. I am, however, a little better with them than I am with the husband. It's a good thing he's not sickly cause I got no tolerance for a whiny grownup.

[leslie]

You are not alone, as you can see from the comments. If I could, I'd come over and take you away to a day at the spa, complete with WiFi and lots of fancy cocktails. Since that's not in the cards for today, just know that I feel your pain and often wonder why I am the worst caretaker in the world to my family, when my career was taking care of people...hmmm? Hang in there, it will get better and you will again appreciate your freedom and your YOU time. Only 30-some hours until Friday night and the beginning of the weekend.

[Pez]

"Why does my child's sickness bring out the worst in me?"

Because you are worried and tired and things are not under your control. It happens to most of us so do not get down on yourself for thinking these thoughts!

I hope Kitty Cat is better soon and please, for your sanity, hide the ukelele!

[Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy]

If your house is like mine, it's because your name is the one called out in the night, you're the one listening to hear if the cough gets worse or if sounds like they can't breathe very well all while the husband snores away.

[Tricia]

...because nobody, even moms, should be expected to function during sleep deprivation. There should be a rule in the mother's book of all mighty regulations, when you've had more than one night of interrupted sleep, our children are not allowed to continue being sick. Hope everyone in your house is feeling better soon.

[Janine]

Oh, you poor thing. I've had similar moments. Don't beat yourself up too much - you're exhausted and over-extended.

[Lisa Milton]

Fatigue's a bitch. It will pass. The book will be waiting. You will catch up on the sleep.

ox