So. My blog. My sweet little space on the internet where I try to weave small stories that are really more vignette than narrative. My blog.
It seems like it's morphed a little, has become less a place for parental anecdotes and more a brooding spot. Darker thoughts have found their way here. It seems it's not so much about springing up onto bright, sunny hilltops and dipping into shadowy valleys and then climbing out again, but more about residing in the fog that settles in the low areas.
I don't necessarily think this way. Not generally. Generally I consider myself a fairly chipper person, able to clearly see the good.
Like right now. I am damp from having spent the morning touring the Woodland Park Zoo's Humboldt penguin exhibit in hard rain. My notebook got wet and my pen stopped working. But I loved the learning. I loved constructing the story in my head as I walked around, taking peaks at hidden areas most people don't get to see.
And I am sipping a hot, soy latte and am warm and a sliver of a sun is peaking out.
And, though I feel as if I'm standing in the crosshairs of change and it is scary and exhilarating and hard and is occasionally doubling me over, I'm basically okay.
Confused, yes. But okay.
To prove it, here are some good things that have happened lately:
Kitty Cat and I yesterday afternoon. We sprawled across my bed and read books. She snuggled into the crook of my arm. When my voice gave out, she used her hands to push my face into a frown. Then she would grin. And I would have to smile too, which tossed her into a fit of her staccato laughter.
Fruit Bat at the Farmer's Market Sunday, with big eyes, taking in the colors and musicians and standing in line expectantly for a hot dog that is safe for him, even with all his allergies.
Love and books and snowy-peaked mountains and ice water and warm breezes and grungy photo ops and clean blue jeans and holding hands and heartfelt conversations.
When I think of these things then the sun, it is larger than a sliver.
What a wonderful post. The last line is a real keeper -- as are all the memories you've described. And how neat that you got a behind the scenes peek at the zoo! Very fun, indeed!
Posted by: christy | February 24, 2009 at 05:09 PM
Blogs morph, just like we do. It's nice to see the sun, but sometimes it is ok to sit back and listen to the rain.
Posted by: Leslie | February 24, 2009 at 06:20 PM
Gosh you make me miss Seattle!
I love those sweet times with my children.
And I come back to read whatever you write, so keep on keeping on!
Posted by: kcinnova | February 25, 2009 at 06:22 AM
Your comments gave me shivers..that are lingering still. Life is hard work..I don't know why it has to be that way, but it is for all of us. Hard work, with bits of sunshine to brighten the way. And that is what makes it rich..and something that you can almost hold in your hand. You said it all very well.
Posted by: M | February 25, 2009 at 06:49 AM
It's cool with me if you brood away (your words). You rock.
Posted by: Nora | February 27, 2009 at 02:16 AM
Ever notice how it ends up sounding worse than you feel? I sometimes write to let a little steam out of the pressure cooker that is my brain (not many days, but more than I would like) and then my mother calls and says "Are you okay? I read your blog, you don't sound good." She has mom-dar, she seems to know when I am going to post a less than happy diatribe and reads.
I think you're doing fine. And wouldn't it be awful if you were feeling blah (etc etc) and everyone else's blog was full of "I love my life! My kids are hysterical! My husband witty! Everything is amazing!"
Posted by: Tracy | February 27, 2009 at 05:42 AM