Weak threads

You try to be a good listener. You do. Sometimes, when your husband talks about work, your eyes lose focus a little, and you think about cupcakes or the recycling that needs to be taken out. But you try. You ask questions. You do your best to be there.

But you have learned there's one area in which you cannot be there. And this disturbs you.

Lately, when you and your husband talk about your children's food issues (severe allergies and probable celiac) and he begins telling you how he dislikes that Fruit Bat has to sit at a nut-free table, how he's worried about Kitty Cat's impending endoscopy, how it all kind of sucks, you shut him down. You pull into yourself with a slippery suck and say that you can't hear it.

You know that if you start down that road right now, thinking about how inconvenient and scary and sad your kids' relationship with food is, you will slowly collapse.

You have realized, as recently as last night, that the threads holding you together are weaker than you'd thought. You are sure of this, because as you were explaining yourself to your husband, your eyes leaked down across your temples (you were reclined).

There is no doubt that your children's health issues could be so much worse. A little girl from Fruit Bat's Kindergarten class was recently diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, and you know this to be infinitely harder. And that there are more difficult things still.

Perhaps in late August, when Kitty Cat's endoscopy is over, you'll feel more like yourself, more like you can listen.

For now, though, you have to admit failure. This fact makes you itchy and uncomfortable. 

You do not especially like living with unpleasantness, with unfinished 

emotional business. But you will. Because it is the best you can do.

Comments

[Parul]

Thats one of the reasons i avoid reading allergy forums anymore; everytime i spend any amount of time on them, i start freaking out and obsessing...

[Chris]

I understand your itch and discomfort. Hang in there. You're doing great. You really are.

[rachel]

Men just process things differently, I think. His need to fix is overwhelming and because he can't, it's turning him in circles. You have to live with it every minute every day so that's your survival strategy, sounds like. You are doing the best you can, which sounds pretty darn good from what I read. You love them.. and they know it.

[elisha]

right there with you, angie.

[Leslie]

You are one of the best moms I know...we all have those stupid loose threads in our lives that hang there and nag at us....I am thankful you are able to share your struggles with me (and all your readers) and make me feel human. This mother thing is so hard sometimes, and so amazingly rewarding. Hugs from across the moat! XOX

[kcinnova]

{{HUGS}}

And you're right, Type 1 diabetes is worse. I have friends dealing with that. But I also have a friend here dealing with food allergies and probably celiac, and that is no walk in the park, either.

More {{HUGS}}

[slouchy]

(ooh. i like your new header!)

it IS hard, though. ok, so perhaps not as hard as having a kid with diabetes, but hard enough.

cut yourself a tiny bit of slack, my friend?