I am at the point in my week when I'm weary. I've been with children--a couple of them mine, many others not--for the better part of forever. I've watched Kitty Cat wobble around in high-heeled plastic dress up shoes that make her look both adorable and ridiculous. I've endured many, many outbursts and screams and tears and sibling fights. Maybe a few kicks to the head and elbows in the gut as well.
I've loved Fruit Bat and Kitty Cat with so much ferocity I've feared my heart would rupture and ooze, and detested them with such vehemence I questioned why I had them in the first place. I've baked a few treats for my brood and prepared dozens of meals and snacks.
I've met deadlines. I've gnashed my teeth over my manuscript, always sitting there like a soft corpse, a still warm duck that has just been shot from the sky (and I'm sorry, you must be tired of hearing about it). I've worked happily on my newer projects, trying to ignore the voice asking why I think I can make these ideas fly. Why bother?
I've had a nice dinner out with an amazing friend who will listen to anything I spew in her direction without judging. Or, at least, without letting on that she's judging.
I've engaged in some good conversations with J., sitting on different sides of the living room after the kids have gone to bed, and we've neglected each other as well, two tugboats steering around the other, just trying to get work done.
I've rediscovered the awesomeness that is a rice sock (sock + rice + 2 minutes in the microwave) and how it will keep a person warm for hours.
*****
Fruit Bat has been outdoing himself after school (and sometimes before) lately. Today, I picked him up and I could read him, as we were walking away, and I saw it was going to be one of those afternoons. The kind where he scowls and kicks and refuses all rational pleas to do things like get in the car and come home with us.
I tried all sorts of ploys until I could only come up with starting the engine, pulling next to him and telling him to hop in, hoping to shock him a little by proving that I was serious about getting underway. He refused and ended up running down the side of the road crying and screaming while I coasted into the next pull off. It was ugly.
And now I'm ready for...what? A roadtrip? A chocolate cake? A bottle of champagne, a piece of paper and a pen so I can drink the wine, write a note that says, "I made it through. I'm so happy. I'm so miserable. If you read this, please email and let me know when I can come for a visit." and toss the whole thing into the ocean.
(Seems I'm writing often about tossing things into the ocean. Hmm.)
Hey, I've done that to a kid or two... driven down the road. It probably isn't NICE but it beats yelling and beating them, right? ;)
Posted by: kcinnova | October 02, 2009 at 07:12 PM
I relate to so much of this. Your word choices are fitting, honest and beautiful.
"...two tugboats steering around the other, just trying to get work done." I hear you.
I like your new masthead. Sending you good thoughts and peaceful juju.
PS: Just had my second nasal surgery. I'm happy. :-)
Posted by: Chris | October 02, 2009 at 07:45 PM
One day they will come to your house with champagne for mother's day, and one or the other will announce a pregnancy, or maybe an amazing new job halfway around the world, and this time of high highs and low lows will just seem like foundation. Big picture, honey, big picture.
Posted by: Vanessa McGrady | October 03, 2009 at 01:55 PM
liking the new all adither header, btw. that's quite a week (capped off by fruit bat "hitting the road" after school). you made it through intact and with a set of observations that express what we're often thinking and not always willing to admit (thank you).
p.s. - your friend is too busy relating to what you say to judge it.
Posted by: papergirl | October 03, 2009 at 05:33 PM
I can relate. We went to Disney last night and my son was so sweet to the other girls with us, it made my husband and I smile and pat each other on the back.
Then tonight, just now actually, I asked my son to get in the shower. The shoulders dropped, the lip poked out and whining ensued.
*sigh* I don't drink wine but there's a Smirnoff Ice calling my name. Call me, we can drink together. :D
Posted by: Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy | October 03, 2009 at 08:38 PM
Having children is like unwittingly entering into a relationship with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, isn't it? Well I'm here to tell you there's hope. Mine are now 25 and 29, and I escaped unharmed. (except for a few annoying little ticks)
You can come visit anytime. I have a great chocolate cake recipe.
Posted by: Cactus Petunia | October 05, 2009 at 12:30 PM