Shhh

People are peculiar. And narcissistic.

I know this because I am a person. And a watcher. 

Though I am not the listener I strive to be. 

I see myself in conversation and I am absorbing what you're saying. But then I'm jumping in with my own thing. With my own spin.

And I think, God, just hush. Let the other person talk. Let them emote.

Part of it is a desire to keep the conversation going, the fear of the lull. Part of it is a crushing need to relate with a shared experience. And yet another part is this itch to talk about me. To validate my existence by telling you about it.

And that? I don't want. I want to be someone who makes eye contact and listens and nods and lets you dribble words until they fail you.

I think I'll be working for it until the day I die.

Comments

[slouchy]

augh. i hear you. just yesterday in the supermarket i felt myself talking AT another mother in my kid's elem. school, and though i realized i was doing it, i simply could not stop.

[Quadelle]

There was a time when I had this under control, pre-children. The relative isolation of the last few years has unleashed this beast again.

[kcinnova]

Me too.

[Stacy (Mama-Om)]

I like this post... and I identify with a lot of it.

I've been taking nonviolent communication classes since this spring, and I have learned a ton! Learning how to listen empathically, get in touch with my own needs so I'm not just blindly out there trying to meet them every which way, and how to identify ways we know deep listening is happening.

I really can't say enough about the teacher, and since we're both in Seattle, you should check her out -- www.hollyeckert.com.

I hope you're well!

Blessings,
Stacy

[Susan (Trout Towers)]

Isn't that why we have blogs? To validate ourselves by seeing our thoughts expressed?

Also, when you chime in, it shows the person you are listening.

Kind of like we are doing here. A little of both.

[All Adither]

Susan, yeah, that's true. But I sometimes think there's a frantic element to it, to how people communicate. Kind of a desperation to fit in our own words.

And yes, I suppose that's one big reason we have blogs.

[papergirl]

i've had a conversation or two with you and i think you're a fantastic listener. you have a knack for commentary, dropping the thoughtful and insightful remark at just the right moment. so there.

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

I'm the same way! I thought being a parent would give me more patience and force me to be a better listener. Sometimes I am, but when I'm not I have that same inner conversation with myself, "for gosh sakes, stop talking!"

[carol at A Second Cup]

Being a good listener is hard work. I keep trying...sigh