So, I've been writing and posting installments of this story, Greener Grass, for more than a year now. Holy cow! We're starting to wind down. The end is near. Thank you so much to everyone who's followed it, posted comments on it, emailed me about it. It's been so much fun. Just a few more installments to go...
If you'd like to read the first part of this story, it's in my right sidebar, under I Like To Write.
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Tamara grabbed the remote and snapped off the TV. The room, that had been filled with loud cartoon laughter and sproingy sound effects was, for a moment, silent. Until Caitlyn and Eli whined at her to turn it back on.
"No," Tamara said, feeling the old motherly authority infusing her, forcing her to stand and make decisions rather than huddle there, filled with regret, somehow fearful of this teenage girl watching her. "That's enough Spongebob."
The kids, the two kids who were still here, looked at her wide-eyed. Her absence made her proclamation more meaningful. See? she wanted to bellow. See what happens when mommy leaves? You respect me more. It's true!
Slowly, she began to realize who the girl was. She'd seen her before. At Dave's office picnic last summer, at various other places around town. She was long and sleek, with layered, fitted t-shirts and short, denim cut-offs. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, the kind that looked adorable on pretty, teenage girls. She was Teresa's daughter.
"I'm Tamara," she said, neglecting to extend her hand. Instead, she smoothed Caitlyn's hair, wondering how she lived these past couple weeks without the warm feel of her daughter's head.
The girl nodded and said, "Megan."
The refrigerator rattled to life, humming as the freezer clunked out ice cubes, sounds Tamara found supremely comforting. She couldn't deny it, she was glad to be home.
Gently, she crouched so she could look into Caitlyn's blue eyes and asked, "Do you forgive me?"
Caitlyn's bottom lip curled and she began to cry. She threw her arms around Tamara's shoulders and, between sobs, yelled that, the day before, Joshua and Eli had each gotten three Oreos while she'd only gotten two. She accused Eli of hiding her stuffed elephant and hiccuped that she wanted to watch the end of Spongebob.
Megan stepped forward and rubbed Eli's back. "They're tired," she said.
Tamara wanted to bark, Of course they're tired. Don't you think I know that? But she only said, "Right. I've been gone a while." Logically, she knew Caitlyn's reaction was natural, that she couldn't understand how to articulate the loneliness or fear she'd felt while Tamara had been gone, and so would rail against lesser inequities. But still, Tamara was irked. Hurt? Either way, she had no right to be.
"How's Joshua?" Megan asked.
It was then that Tamara noticed something in Megan's eyes. Something laid bare, yet twitchy. Like one of the kids when they'd eaten an extra piece of candy from their Halloween buckets. She wondered if Megan had dabbed on some of her cologne or snooped through a drawer. She felt, for a moment, sympathy for the girl who'd helped Dave while Tamara was off on her little furlough. "He's...the same." Hot tears, like melted wax, congealed on her lower lids.
Eli had plopped himself on the kitchen floor and begun taking apart a Lego car, evenly lining each plastic brick in a row in front of him. When the land line rang and Tamara had to hop over Eli and his Legos to get it. Dave's voice greeted her, sounding, for the first time in months, buoyant. "He's awake!" he said. "He's asking for mommy."
"Oh my God," Tamara pushed her hair off her face. "Oh my God. Okay, we'll be right there. Can the kids come? I don't know if the kids can come."
"Just bring 'em," Dave said.
So she did, strapping them into their car seats while Megan hopped into the front next to Tamara. "Is it okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, fine," Tamara said distractedly, pulling out of the driveway. "Do you have to call your mom or something?"
Furrowing her brow and blinking, Megan said, "Um, no. I don't have to call my mom."
When they got to the hospital, wet from the rain, Tamara still grungy and so tired her brain wobbled like a marble in a glass bowl, they all went up to ICU and found Joshua's room. Surely they were breaking some rule with such a large group, with two kids for God's sake. But no one stopped them, so they crowded the door. Tamara rushed to the bed where Joshua laid, looking sleepy, but alert.
She kissed his smooth forehead over and over, said, "I"m sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."
Finally, weakly, he batted her away. He smelled little boyish, a mixture of sweat and jelly beans, so normal, that she could hardly force herself to stand and give him space. Finally, though, she did. And when she took a step back, she saw it. Dave gazing at Megan.
There was no other way to say it, his gaze was hungry.