Weakness

I can be a real snarky, feisty bitch sometimes. I know I come off as basically nice and laid back. And, normally, I am those things. But there are moments...

This afternoon for instance, J. scored free tickets to take the kids to the Seattle Children's Theatre (for what turned out to be a fairly dorky show--maybe it's just me, but watching a grown man imitate a newborn baby, complete with thumb-sucking and bowel movements, deeply disturbs me). Anyway, we didn't yet know what, theatrically, was in store.

But, Max was whining about going, refusing to cooperate, and {redacted because J. is having a stressful weekend and I cannot complain about that since he works his ass off and makes us financially comfortable and manages to be a good human, too}.

A few events transpired and I almost fucking lost it. As I was climbing into the car, I came close to pivoting, announcing that I was staying home, and striding back inside. Instead, I got in and proceeded to list my grievances while J., who's really just trying to please everyone, tried to placate me, too. Still, as we drove downtown, I had an egg-yolk sized lump in my throat and wished I could lock myself in a bathroom to sob for a while.

And then came the sixty-something clown mispronouncing his R's and pretending to learn to walk.

I was tense and clenched and trying to see the good, or at least the humor, in the situation. But I just couldn't. I hate being that person. The one others are tiptoeing around, trying not to piss off further. I was, though, today. I just was.

 

Comments

[m]

Somehow, I was picturing Max not wanting to go and the rest..not the 60 yr old idiot-man. ARG. Always sounds better before the actual event. Sorry it was a bomb and that you felt edgy. And J..you are a treasure.

[donata]

So real...I feel you.

[kcinnova]

I am you.

[MSH]

I know. I do this, too. I am 90-95% the kind and calm person and 5-10% the "about to explode" person. I noticed my older son is starting the same behaviors and I have been doing a lot of soul-searching to teach him how to prevent/stop it. It is surreal to be teaching techniques that I hesitate to use because it feels so good to be really angry and right sometimes (even when I am not really right).

Sigh. Thanks for saying it out loud. I know.

[Kim]

We all have that person inside us.

[Carrie]

I have been her, many times. Sigh.