Foolish risks

I saw something today that bugged me: a toddler sitting in a car alone at the grocery store. He looked about three and was strapped into his seat making faces and talking to himself. He seemed happy enough, but completely sans adult.

I turned around, hoping to see a mom or dad pushing a cart to its corral or otherwise hovering nearby. But, no. I thought about the begging meth mouths who'd approached me in that very parking lot a few years before.

Maybe the parent just ran inside for milk? And maybe the car doors were locked (not that a three-year-old wouldn't happily unlock them for a grown-up flashing a candy bar).

Believe me, I know the temptation well, to leave your child for just a few minutes. The car seats are so cumbersome and the kids so tedious. My rule, though, is that I have to be able to see Max and Claire from where I stand. So, I'll dash up the ATM machine and library book return, but won't actually disappear into a building without them. Not that I am perfect and without recrimination. But a toddler? Store in an okay but by no means super safe neighborhood?

I loitered for a minute, then went inside to get my chicken nuggets and wine. (Why yes, they do go beautifully together). I told myself that if the car was still there with the toddler alone when I came back, I was going to alert a store employee.

To my relief, five minutes later the car was gone.

Once, when I was in my twenties and a friend and I pulled up at a rural microbrewery, I noticed two little kids by themselves in a sedan. Okay, I thought, this is distressing, but maybe the dad just dashed in to grab a six-pack.

For at least an hour, my friend and I sipped hefeweizens (which would also be amazing with chicken nuggets. Or fish sticks!), and when we returned, the kids were still inside their own car.

I hemmed and hawed a little, and my friend started her engine and swung out of the lot. On the highway, though, I called the police. I can only hope the negligent non-parent was busted. There's really no excuse.

And I'm admittedly a half-hearted advocate. If I were nervier, I'd stay with the car until the parent returned. I wish I had today, actually.

I want to know...what do you think of leaving a three-year-old in a car alone? A foolish risk not worth taking or no big deal?

Comments

[Su]

I caught some of a discussion on talk radio today about a missing child. Something about the mom taking the 4 year old but leaving the 2 year old. She walked a mile...I think to get gas. CRAZY! There is no way I would leave my kid (of just about any age) without at least a way for me to see them in the car.

[Chrisy]

Foolish risk. A big deal in my book. Guilty of judgment here, which means the universe is going to bust me any minute for something negligent I do.

[Louise]

I also don't move out of sight of my car, but I read an article recently about a woman convicted of child abuse for parking next to an ATM and leaving her child in the car while she used the ATM. Can't remember the age of the child though. It annoys me because how are moms supposed to put the shopping trolley away otherwise? Some parents are negligent and the rest of us are really doing the best we can do.

[Vicky]

Definitely a foolish risk not worth taking.

[Jennifer Jo]

I take my kids into stores with me more often than some parents and less others. If I'm on the fence, it's the fear of people calling the authorities that gets me to take them in with me, not of kidnappers.

P.S. Are you familiar with Free Range Kids? (Blog, book, etc.) The information that Lenore puts out there has helped me gain perspective in our drama and fear riddled, media driven culture.

[Laura from the Chi]

I'm totally with you on this one. I called the cops on a woman who was sitting and eating a sandwich at the tables outside of a restaurant, while her toddler and infant sat across the parking lot in a car. I was 99% sure the woman eating the sandwich was their mother, but even though she was within eyesight of them, I still didn't like it. For one, it was a hot summer day and the windows were only partially rolled down. Secondly, who would leave a toddler unattended with a baby? I felt like a bitch calling the cops, but I did it anyway. I waited and watched in the parking lot, and unfortunately she finished her meal and walked back to her car before they showed up. Looking back, maybe I was being too judgmental of her. Something just felt wrong about the whole thing, at the time.

[Laura from the Chi]

I should add that I agree returning the shopping cart or hitting the ATM is no big deal, with your kids in sight. But sitting and eating a sandwich for 15-30 minutes just seems like too long to leave them unattended.

[Kristy]

No way. In Memphis that will get you arrested if the angry mob doesn't get you first. I will sometimes leave my kids in the car for no more than five minutes only if my teenager is with us, and even then I am very selective about the locations/times I will do it.

[Bev]

Never worth the risk of having them out of your sight.

Whether or not to report or confront someone who does that...very tough call.

[Rachel]

I once had my son (about 9 months at the time) in a shoe store with me... I had a crap-load of purchases that day, must have been a sale or something, lol. While I was checking out I decided to run the baby out to the truck, turn the air on, then come back in to get the bags/boxes of shoes (which I couldn't carry in one trip also carrying a heavy, tired baby).
When I got back in the store the lady got all up in my business, asking me if there was anyone out there with him. I was like, "look, we can see him from here, he is already asleep right there in the truck." I tried to laugh it off, I honestly didn't think it was a big deal at all (I could see him, he was cool from the heat, comfortable, and resting within eye-sight). But this lady wouldn't have it. She DEMANDED that I go out and get him out of the truck right this minute! I don't know what I was thinking...But I trooped out to the truck, woke him up and drug him back inside the store (while their slow-ass machine was running my card). If I had been in my right mind I would have told her to EFF OFF! But she was screaming about how she ought to call the police and I was scared my son would be taken away!!
After being woke up, my baby was in a foul mood...was crying and fussy and hard to hold on to (he was already over 20 pounds and strong as an ox). By the time I drug him back inside the store my receipt had printed so it was time to go right back outside, again!
To top it all off, the woman never offered to help me out to my vehicle with several bags and a mad baby!! I had to carry all of it at once, hoping not to drop the kid, for fear she would freak out again. (seriously, how was I supposed to not put him in the truck first? I have never understood that one).
So I agree with some on here that there is a time/place for it. I would never leave my kids in the car while I was shopping, etc.. But I have ran inside to pay for gas, drop a movie, etc.. All while they are locked in a temperature controlled vehicle (I have the spare key in my pocket), and where I can see them, or I won't be longer than 2 minutes.
I hate that this world has gotten so out of control that we can not make the best decisions for our kids. They are "our" kids right? Why does someone else have better insight on what is best for them other than their parent?
I have 2 toddlers (11 months apart), most of the time it is not feasable to unbuckle and carry both of them inside the store to pay for gas:( (Thank God for pay at the pump!)

[Averil Dean]

Never, ever. In Vegas, children die that way every year. The inside of a car is like an oven, and the poor little things roast to death. It's horrible.

Having said that, my dad used to send me out to the car to wait for the rest of the family if I acted up when we went out to dinner. We never thought a thing about it.

[V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios]

To me the critical thing is that a 3-year-old is old enough to unbuckle and leave the car while you're doing whatever you're doing. That's dangerous.

If it's not warm/hot weather, it's a sleeping baby, the location is relatively safe, the car parked right next to the store and the errand truly a 10 minute or less endeavor, I think it's OK, as long as the car is locked.