We just got back from Arizona yesterday, where we met up with my parents on the kids' spring break. There were idyllic moments. There were times when the tension between J. and me squealed like a too-tight violin string. Mostly there are sweet memories, though.
I know I'm lucky to have experienced such a trip. Such trips.
I married a traveler, you see. And my own (somewhat restrained) wanderlust had been latent until I met J. and we started to go places.
I'm planning a solo trip to China in October (perhaps I've mentioned that--I'm a little excited) to reconnect with my college roommate and best friend from those years. How fortunate! Such bounty of experience I'm accruing.
But it does take work. The planning and packing and childcare arranging.
Yesterday, after pulling into our driveway and dragging the suitcases inside, I fell catatonic and was barely able to lift clothes to hangers, toss laundry into machines. I was so tired I couldn't drink! Not even one glass of wine.
I sipped tea and went to bed. Though I stayed awake 'til midnight reading.
At 6:40, Claire called me and was shaken and teary. Another nightmare. I laid down next to her until she calmed. Then staggered back to bed where J. let me stay until 9:30(!)
Today, the kids played outside with neighbors all afternoon. Fabulous!
Meanwhile, I whipped in circles like a weathervane in a hurricane. Undone projects everywhere, most of them on my computer. Finish the photo book for Claire's class! Work on the posters for the school fundraiser! Send promised copies of Spectacle to readers on LibraryThing! Go over the manuscript again before uploading the next revision to Amazon! Format for hard copies even though the CreateSpace instructions are vexing and Lightning Source makes me want to shove my head in the coffeepot! Log onto work and catch up!
We live on a fairly quiet street, but cars do pass by, some of them not so slowly. Still, I let Max and Claire play there with the 11 and 13 year-old boys next door. They are watchful, but kids. I was uneasy. I was also trying to get things done.
I made corndogs for lunch and thought, None of this accomplishment will mean a damn thing if I hear the screech of brakes and the yell of kids and one of them is left broken on the asphalt. I think about how, in the 70s, I used to ride my bike all over the neighborhood without my parents knowing where I was.
I predict I will writhe around in bed tonight, worst-case scenarios flickering through my brain.