I woke up crying this morning. More accurately, I woke up from a bad dream and began to weep. This is not usual for me, but the dream was so vivid and so, so sad. It had to do with family and infidelity and losing touch with Max and Claire and...and... I couldn't shake it all day.
After lunch, we went to get our Christmas tree from a little lot in Seattle. It was a subdued sort of festive. Tree day is always fraught around here and I'm not quite sure why. It has something to do with expectations (though I could've sworn I'd beat them all down with my jaded forty-three-year-oldness) and hyper kids and my encroaching S.A.D. that always seems to sneak up this time of year. Let's just say that this morning's weep fest was followed by another equally disturbing cry while sitting on the stairway at dusk.
Now that it's dark I'm better.
I've thought of so many things I've wanted to blog about lately, but haven't had the time to put fingers to keyboard.
I've lost between 15 and 20 pounds in the past six months. I'm not saying this to brag, but because it scares me a little. I haven't exactly been measuring my food or even exercising.
So, size 8 pants for a 6'2" woman. Yeah, I don't know. The baby tummy et al is gone, but ???
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I had a HARD few days with Max this week, wherein I actually applied the word Tween to him. Everything, according to him, was stupid. He wasn't working hard or being very respectful. And then, in the snap of my fingers, he became sweet and adorable again. He copied his spelling words down neatly and was proud, he came up to me several times, wrapped his arms around my waist, and said he loved me.
Claire continues to be amazing most of the time. Her projects wear me out, but I do love that she is driven.
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And now, something fun! Hipstamatic prints. I got 9 made and am completely jonesing for more. I don't know what I'm going to do with them yet, but I'm smitten. I'm thinking of mounting a few on bamboo and have been watching YouTube tutorials. I'll keep you posted.
OK, I don't even like admitting this but I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit. I sent my husband and kids out last night to buy a tree. I just need an attitude adjustment regarding the season. I don't know if it's because December has come so quickly or what? I can usually muster some great energy for decorating, but not this year. Maybe it's work related stress or the "sameness" of every year. By the way, I still love reading here so thank you for sharing. And your photography is great! Seriously, I think I need another glass of wine!
Posted by: maggie | December 09, 2012 at 06:28 PM
I've had dreams like that. It colors the entire day. And Christmas stress? It's a sorry state of normal. I am fighting it as best I can, but I still manage to bite my husband's head off at least twice a day. I'm trying to not do the same to the kids but there is a 13yo in my house.
All this to say, I get it. Deal with the S.A.D. and do what you need to do about the weight loss. And hang in there. Seattle can be tough in the winter, but you know spring will come along and eventually another beautiful summer. Try to enjoy the Now.
Posted by: Karen (formerly kcinnova) | December 10, 2012 at 09:27 PM
Get some extra sleep and give yourself permission to not have to do it all! Smell the pine scents in the air and buy someone a cup of hot cocoa - maybe you!
Posted by: Virginia Kim | December 11, 2012 at 11:58 AM
We finally ordered a SAD light to sit on the desk by our computer. It's been nothing but gray and dark..dark and gray! There are a lot of expectations and there is only a glimmer here and there that amount to anything. xox
Posted by: M | December 11, 2012 at 05:38 PM
I'm sorry you are feeling down. I get that way a lot, too and just have to talk myself through. As far as Max's attitude, it's totally normal. I know that doesn't make it any easier but it is and it will probably get more annoying the older he gets. I hope not, but.....Read the book "Get Out of My Life, But First Could you Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall". It has some great insights into teens/preteens and how to deal. Hang in there and have a Merry Christmas. It's taken me years, but I'm about where I have quit stressing over everything being perfect and the more I let go, the better I feel! Love your blog!
Posted by: Nancy | December 13, 2012 at 07:02 PM
blair 说道：Hi Bob. In my opinon,the most imopntart,have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.They somehow already know what you truly want to become.Everything else is secondary.
Posted by: Valerie | February 25, 2013 at 09:46 AM