Today was a sixty-degree, almost sunny day in Seattle. Around 5, just as bars and restaurants prepared for evening crowds, as UW students wandered up and down the Ave, smoking and lugging backpacks and thinking about their nights ahead, I was near campus. And I could feel the buzz. That high of being 19 or 20 with many long hours of darkness and mystery ahead.
I had driven to the edges of the U District because my seven-year-old was performing in a play, but for a few minutes I could believe I had just begun the journey. Everything, every single thing, spread before me–-an unsown field with its tilled rows pushing toward the horizon like greedy fingers.
It hurt, a little, to be 44 and done with all that.
Okay, it actually hurt a lot.
I am 52 and often regret that I didn't explore that horizon when I had the chance. But on the other hand, I am so grateful for what I do have.
Posted by: Smalltown Me | March 15, 2013 at 09:32 PM
Yeah, I get this. I live in a small college town, and they're everywhere, reminding me.
Posted by: Sarah Piazza | March 16, 2013 at 04:33 AM
I felt that way when I was there on campus as a 19yo... like I was missing some of the exploration because I couldn't BE it all or DO it all. Sometimes I wish I could have those opportunities again, but mostly I am glad for where I am now with what I have now.
Greener Grass?
Posted by: Karen (formerly kcinnova) | March 16, 2013 at 05:53 PM
I feel your pain! I am 55 and get that same feeling when I am in similar settings.
Posted by: Nancy | March 17, 2013 at 05:54 AM
Maybe it's a case of Greener Grass, and I am mostly happy to be where I am now, but I did feel that stab, a real pain, Friday evening.
Posted by: All Adither | March 17, 2013 at 10:31 PM
I hear you. In Portland, love is in the air. Every young couple is holding hands and all the birds are twitterpated, but here I am with gray in my hair and an aching back. Oh, to be young again.
Posted by: Averil Dean | March 20, 2013 at 07:29 AM
I went to a small engineering college in CA, and though I went to grad school at UW, the UW experience seems so different to me from what I had in college, so when I'm in the U District, it seems so *foreign*, somehow. :) But if you put me back on campus in So Cal, man do I miss it, so much that my heart actually HURTS a little.
Posted by: ARC | March 24, 2013 at 10:45 PM