Half Assed Kitchen

Dates Wrapped in Bacon

This one is easy. Ridiculously easy. And good. Insanely good. The bacon and the sugar from the dates fuse to make a crispy, gooey, sweet, bacony burst of flavor and texture. You can prep this one in five minutes. Give it ten to fry and you're good to go.

 

Rating: 1/4 assed (If we'd given ourselves the option of 1/8 assed, we'd go with that, but 1/4 assed is as far down as we're allowed.)

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 pound dates

1 package bacon, sliced in half lengthwise and then cut into four-inch quarters.

Wrap each date in bacon and drop into non-stick skillet. Cook until bacon is crisp. Serve warm or cool.

Baby Brie Crab Appetizers

Welcome back to our yearly feature, Half Assed Holiday Apps, where, from now until roughly New Years, we bring you a new app every week.

And this week enter our giveaway to receive amazing FREE CHEESE from Alouette by clicking here.

 Photo courtesy Alouette

This is an easy and scrumptious (hello Brie! hello crab!) little app. You'll have to pick up a few special items you most likely don't have on hand, but we guarantee these will fly off the plate when you serve them. (We got the recipe from Alouette's web site, lots of good ideas over there. Check it out.)

Rating: Truly 1/2 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 package (8 oz.) Alouette Baby Brie Cheese
1 can (6 oz.) crab meat with leg meat, well drained 
2 Tablespoon mayonnaise
1 Tablespoon diced pimiento (from 2 oz. jar), drained 
1 Tablespoon minced shallot
2 packages (2.1 oz. each) frozen phyllo tartlet shells 
1 Tablespoon fresh chives, chopped

Heat oven to 350 F.

Trim rind from outside edge of cheese.
Cut crosswise into 6 strips. Trim rind from each strip.

To form 30 pieces, cut the 4 longest strips each into 6 cubes.
Cut the 2 shortest strips each into 3 cubes.

In small bowl, combine crab meat, mayonnaise, pimiento and shallot.

Arrange tartlet shells on large cookie sheet. Spoon crab mixture evenly into tartlet shells, about 1 tsp. each. Top with cheese cube.

Bake 5 minutes or until cheese is soft and melted.
Sprinkle with chives.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Cool curry dip

It's July, and we realize that most of you probably are looking for recipes a little more refreshing than, say, crab bisque.

Our sister recently made a version of this cool curry dip. And it was perfect for swirling our vegetables in before popping them into our mouths.

This dip is tangy and tasty and takes five minutes (or less) to make.

Rating: 1/4 assed (super easy)

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 cup light mayo (we used Veganise, which is delicious and lower in fat than even light mayo.)

2 teaspoons curry powder

2 teaspoons red onion, minced

1 teaspoon horseradish

Freshly ground pepper

Pinch salt

Pinch garlic powder

Combine all ingredients and chill a couple hours (or not).

Serve with cauliflower, carrots, bell peppers, broccoli, or whatever veggies you like best.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Gouda dijon bake

This is one of those recipes that seems too easy and delicious to be true. But, true it is. Three ingredients and a few minutes in the oven and you're good to go.

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 wheel of gouda cheese

1-2 Tablespoons dijon mustard

1/2 tube crescent roll dough (we know, we love crescent roll dough too much)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Lay out dough and pinch together perforations (if you leave the dough at room temperature for a while before preparing this, it'll be easier to mold.).

Spread dijon over crescent roll dough.

Place cheese wheel in the middle, wrap up and turn upside down.

Place on a cookie sheet or in a baking dish and cook for 10 to 12 minutes. Cut into wedges.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Bleu cheese-red onion dip

We're wild about this bleu cheese-red onion dip. Perhaps, with its patriotic colors it's better suited to July 4th than December 26th, but still, it's festive for a New Years party. And it'll elicit groans of appreciation from everyone who tries it.

Also? Easy.

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 cup bleu cheese crumbles

3/4 cup olive oil

1/3 cup fresh parsley, chopped

1/4 cup red onion, minced

1 teaspoon garlic, chopped

Pinch of salt

Grind of pepper

Mix all ingredients (play around with the proportions to suit your taste) and serve with crackers or bread.

For a printer-friendly version of this recipe, click here.

Puff pastry with caramelized onions and feta

We got the idea for this fabulous app when we heard a commercial on the radio. Trader Joes was advertising puff pastries with caramelized onions and feta, which could be found in their frozen foods section.

Homemade would taste better, we reasoned. And they wouldn't be hard to pull together.

So here you have our version.

Here's what you need and how you do it

2 small onions, sliced thinly

Olive oil

1-2 Tablespoons balsalmic vinegar

Feta cheese (Or any kind of cheese)

1 box Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry sheets (found in the frozen foods--desserts section of your grocery store)

Preheat oven to 400 F degrees.

Caramelize onions by sauteing in olive oil over low heat for 45 minutes to an hour, stirring occasionally. They should turn golden, but not dark brown or charred. After 45 minutes, stir in balsalmic vinegar and heat for another 5 to 10 minutes.

Lay out one puff pastry sheet on lightly floured surface. Cut into small squares, about 1 inch by 1 inch. In the center of each square, place a few of the caramelized onion slices and some crumbled feta. Cut second sheet of puff pastry into small squares and lay one over each little mound of onion and feta (creating a sandwich effect).

Bake for 15 to 17 minutes. Can brush tops with butter/margarine or an egg wash (one egg beaten with 1 Tablespoon water) for a more golden finish.

For a printer-friendly version, click here.

Sugar and nut glazed brie

We used to make this scrumptious app for holiday parties back in the 90s. Before we had kids with nut allergies, before we started to worry about the fat content of brie and before Paula Deen did it on the Food Network.

We don't know anyone who can resist this. And, did we mention, it's EASY?

Photo courtesy Food Network

Here's what you need and how you do it

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1/4 cup broken walnuts, pecans, almonds or hazelnuts

1 Tablespoon Brandy (or whiskey...you all have some of that in your cupboards, don't you?)

1 14-ounce round of Brie cheese

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Stir together sugar, nuts and brandy (or whiskey). (You can cover this and chill it up to a week ahead of time.)

Place brie on a pie plate. Bake for 4 to 5 minutes.

Sprinkle sugar mixture on top of brie. Bake 2 to 3 minutes more, until sugar is melted and cheese is heated through but not melted.

Serve with apples (brushed with lemon juice to keep them from browning) and crackers.

For a printer-friendly version of this recipe, click here.

Deviled eggs with capers and chives

Perhaps I should change this feature to OBVIOUS Holiday Apps. Because aren't deviled eggs the first thing we think of when someone mentions "appetizer"?

Still, a little reminder of what's good never hurts. And THESE deviled eggs have a twist. The capers and chives! They really give the eggs an extra kick.

Try 'em out.

Here's what you need and how you do it

One dozen eggs

1/3 cup mayo

2 Tablespoons dijon mustard

Paprika

2 Tablespoons capers

A few chives, chopped

Hard boil eggs by placing them in a pot of cold water, bringing to a boil, turning off heat and letting eggs sit for 20 minutes. Rinse in cool water.

Peel eggs while still warm. Let the eggs sit for 20 to 30 minutes. They will be easier to cut when cooler.

Slice eggs in half lengthwise. Scoop the yolks into a small bowl. Mix with mayo and mustard. Dish yolks back into the egg whites. Top with paprika, capers and chives.

Try not to eat them all yourself.

And please do take care not to bring this dish if there will be children with egg allergies in the vicinity.

Cocktail sausages in honey-sesame glaze

Who doesn't like cocktail sausages? Everyone who eats meat loves them, right? They're scrumptious. And that's why we're honoring them in our feature, Half Assed Holiday Apps.

Add a little honey-sesame glaze and they're irresistible. We put some out this afternoon and they disappeared fast.

Here's what you need and how you do it

75 cocktail sausages

1/2 cup honey

2 Tablespoons sesame oil

2 Tablespoons soy sauce

Preheat oven to 425.

Arrange sausages in a large, shallow roasting pan.

Whisk together honey, oil and soy sauce. Pour over sausages. Stir to coat.

Roast for 25-30 minutes, stirring halfway through.

Thanks again to Nigella Lawson for the great idea.

Half Assed Holiday Apps--Asparagus in proscuitto

This holiday season at Half Assed Kitchen we're simplifying your party-hopping by providing you with six weeks of Half Assed Holiday Apps. From now until just before New Years, check back for the best appetizers you can whip up with almost no effort.

The first ridiculously easy hors d' oeuvre is Asparagus in Proscuitto (or ham). Really, it's such a cinch and so impressive. Even its colors are Christmassy.

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 lb. asparagus

1/2 lb. thinly sliced proscuitto or ham (I actually prefer ham, but the proscuitto is a little fancier)

1/2 lb. sliced provolone or cream cheese

1 lemon, juiced

Black pepper

Trim off tough ends of asparagus and steam for 5 minutes. Then toss with the juice of one lemon and black pepper, to taste.

Lay out slices of proscuitto (or ham). Layer each slice with one slice provolone or a smear of cream cheese. Place 1 or 2 spears of asparagus in the center and roll up.