Half Assed Kitchen

English Toffee

Imagine our horror and surprise when we realized how simple English toffee is to make. Egads! It's just been added to our holiday baking rotation because it's so incredibly easy and also meltingly rich and delicious. We are SCREWED! But also, yum.

Rating: 1/4 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

2 cups granulated sugar

2 cups butter or Earth Balance margarine (preferably soy-free as we've heard soy can give the toffee a bit of an aftertaste, but regular will work, too).

6 squares of semi-sweet baking chocolate, or the equivalent in semi-sweet chocolate chips

Chopped nuts such as almonds, macadamia, pecans, or walnuts (optional)

Special equipment: candy thermometer

In a medium saucepan on medium heat, melt butter and add sugar. Stir. Stir and stir and stir. This could go on for twenty minutes, so have your phone or a book handy. When the mixture gets thick and foamy, clip your candy thermometer to the pan. Make sure your butter/sugar is up to 300 degrees, or the "hard crack" stage.

Then pour onto a buttered cookie sheet or into a shallow baking dish (the cookie sheet will make removal easier).

While the toffee is cooling, heat chocolate in the microwave at 1/2 heat for about thirty seconds. Stir, then repeat if necessary to melt the chocolate. You don't want to heat it too high or too much or it will turn lumpy and grainy.

When toffee has cooled some but isn't rock hard, top with chocolate. If you let the toffee turn too hard, the chocolate will slide right off at room temp. Still delicious, but not the effect we're going for.

Top with chopped nuts and let cool.

When it has cooled, break into pieces. Store in an airtight container (if any makes it that far).

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Frozen, chocolate-covered bananas

So, chocolate-covered bananas happened because our kids wanted popsicles and we had none in the house and no desire to run to the store. We had never tried making these banana dippers before, even though they're kind of a classic, but they were super easy and a big hit.

We decided to divide the bananas into thirds for eatability and it worked out well.

Rating: Truly 1/2 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

Four peeled bananas, cut into three equal sections

1/2 bag (or more) chocolate chips

3 Tablespoons butter or margarine

1/4 cup milk

Skewer or popsicle sticks

Nuts or sprinkles (optional)

In a small saucepan or double-boiler, melt chocolate and butter on low heat and stir in milk. Whisk until smooth and glossy.

Place each banana chunk on a stick.

Swirl bananas through chocolate until well-coated.

Roll in nuts or sprinkles if using.

Place on aluminum foil or wax paper-covered cookie sheet and place in freezer for 3 to 4 hours.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Pineapple upside down cake

We know we should be posting apple crisps and pumpkin tarts right about now, but frankly, our heads are still a little stuck in Hawaii, where we spent a good chunk of August (we know, you can hate us.)

While there, we attended a luau and had succulent kalua pig, haupia, and pineapple upside down cake. For weeks after we came home, our son begged us to recreate the upside down cake.

Upon locating a recipe that sounded good, we set about baking and adapting.

And then...and then...we lost the recipe and can't remember how we did it.

We're sorry.

To make amends, we're linking to a few pineapple upside down cakes that sound decadently delicious.

Here's Paula Deen's take on PUC. As you might expect, lots of eggs and buttermilk.

We like the looks of this Duncan Hines version because, hello!, cake mix.

Nigella Lawson discusses how uncouth, but delicious, pineapple upside down cake is in this video.

Amazon even sells a pineapple upside down cake pan.

So go forth and try this old-fashioned, un-chic cake. And let us know how it turns out.

Pumpkin pie crockpot pudding

We saw this on Shine a few days ago and knew instantly that the pumpkin pie pudding had to be ours. It's creamy and spicy/sweet. So satisfying. Pumpkin pie without the crust. We made a few modifications since we try not to buy Bisquick anymore. And it was spectacular. A must make for this fall.

Effort required: Truly 1/2 assed (dump all ingredients into the slow cooker and go)

Here's what you need and how you do it

1 15-ounce can mashed pumpkin

1 12-ounce can evaporated milk (or regular/rice/soy milk)

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup biscuit/baking mix OR 1/2 cup flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, and 1/4 teaspoon salt mixed

2 eggs, beaten

2 Tablespoons butter or margarine, melted

2-1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice OR the equivalent of cinnamon, ginger, and allspice

2 teaspoons vanilla

Whipped cream/topping (optional)

Lightly oil inside of crockpot. Combine all the ingredients except whipped topping in a large bowl. Transfer to slow cooker. Cook on high for 3 to 4 hours, or until pudding is somewhat set and temperature hits 160 degrees.

Serve with whipped topping sprinkled with cinnamon. Mmmm.

For a printable version of this recipe, go here.

Shoofly pie

Lately, we've been in the mood to bake a pie. It had to be easy, made of ingredients we had on hand, and extremely tasty. For years, we've heard about shoofly pie, a molasses-laden, Pennsylvania Dutch staple, and have wanted to try it.

Today was the day. We decided to use the recipe from the blog Not So Humble Pie. It turned out to be a good one. One bowl for dry ingredients, one for wet, and a pie pan and you're set. The whole thing took ten minutes to put together and about 35 to bake.

If you're a molasses fan, we hope you'll give this a whirl. It's sweet, rich, and spicy. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream.

Effort required: Truly 1/2 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

Store bought pie crust (or your favorite crust recipe)

1 cup flour

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 Tablespoons shortening (or butter)

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg

1/8 teaspoon ginger

1/8 teaspoon cloves

3/4 cup King Syrup or Golden Barrel Table Syrup (if you don't have this, use 1/3 cup molasses, 1/3 cup corn syrup--light or dark--and 2 Tablespoons honey)

3/4 cup hot water

1 well beaten egg

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon baking soda

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Unroll crust into pie pan and flute edges.

In one bowl, mix flour, shortening, and spices with handheld pastry blender or fork. In a separate bowl, mix syrup (or molasses, corn syrup and honey), hot water, egg, vanilla, and baking soda. Spread 1/3 of the flour/crumb mixture across bottom of crust. Pour 1/2 of molasses mixture on top of crumbs. Add another 1/3 of crumbs, cover with rest of molasses mixture and top with remaining 1/3 crumbs.

Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 degrees and bake for another 20 to 25 minutes.

Let cool at least 10 to 15 minutes before eating.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Rum balls

Ready for a boozy, good holiday cookie? Then rum balls are your ticket. Utilizing store-bought cookies in the dough, these are sort of half-homemade and perfectly half assed.

Please welcome the fabulous guest poster Vanessa, on loan from 40licious.

Rating: 1/2 assed 

First you get some balls …

JUST KIDDING.

This recipe is great on so many levels. You can really customize it for whatever cookies, nuts, garnish and alcohol you have in the house already, or if there’s a strong penchant for, say, ginger snaps in your home over vanilla wafers. OR go ahead and use Oreos and see if we care! (let us know how that turns out, would you?) Also, you don’t have to cook anything. And, people think you’ve gone to a lot of trouble when you bring them over as a party gift.

Here's what you need and how you do it

3 ½ – 4 cups crushed cookies (for the batch shown we used half gingersnaps, half vanilla wafers, which you can buy very reasonably at Trader Joe’s)

1 cup powdered sugar (reserve some for covering the balls)

1 cup chopped nuts (Highly recommending pecans, but again, they’re your balls.)

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa

2 Tablespoons corn syrup

1/3 cup rum (or bourbon, or, really, whatever else you fancy. Schnapps, anyone?)

In a food processor, grind the cookies finely, and then add sugar, corn syrup, cocoa and blend.

Add chopped nuts and give it another whirl.

Add rum and whirl around again.

The mixture should be the consistency so you can make a 1-inch ball that will just stick together when pressed, but you don’t want it too gloppy. If it’s too dry add more rum, too wet add more cookie crumbs.

Roll balls in reserved powdered sugar and chill.

You can also garnish with pretty much anything else that strikes your fancy!

Try:

Crushed candy canes

Chocolate sprinkles

Coarse sea salt mixed with powdered sugar

Melted white or dark chocolate

Chopped nuts

(Editor’s note: we don’t have a food processor, so we mixed the cookies in our blender, then transferred them to a large bowl, added the rest of the ingredients, and stirred with a spoon.) 

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

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Peppermint chocolate chip cookies

 
The photo above doesn't really do these cookies justice. They are completely, mind-blowingly awesome. Make a special trip to the grocery store to buy peppermint extract if you have to, but just get some. These cookies are buttery and chocolatey with a good hit of mint. Girl Scout cookies don't hold a candle to these lovelies.

Rating: 3/4 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

3/4 cup butter or margarine

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon peppermint extract

1 egg

1/4 cup cocoa powder

1-1/3 cup flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup chocolate chips

1/8 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients well in large bowl. Drop by spoonfuls onto lightly greased cookie sheets.

Bake 12 to 15 minutes.

Let cool for five minutes, then transfer to cooling rack.

(You might as well go ahead and double this recipe. The cookies will disappear fast.)

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

UPDATE: Make these cookies small, because they do flatten a lot and if they're large, they'll tend to break. For some ovens, you may need to adjust the baking time and let them go only 8 to 10 minutes. Keep a close eye on the cookies as they bake.

Apple turnovers

 

We were pretty pleased with our first attempt at apple turnovers. But then, it's hard to go wrong with puffy pastry. For the filling, we used classic apple pie mixins from Simply Recipes' Old Fashioned Apple Pie. Let us tell you, we could hardly stop eating the apples drenched in cinnamon, sugar, brandy, and vanilla long enough to scoop them into their shells.

The only thing that is less than terrific about this recipe is the apple peeling. We'll admit though (grudgingly) that the peeling is worth the results.

Rating: 3/4 assed (1/4 assed if you can find a sucker to peel and chop the apples for you)

Here's what you need and how you do it

2 boxes puff pastry (found in the freezer section at your grocery store)

2/3 cup sugar

3 Tablespoons flour

1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

4-5 large apples (we like a mixture of tart and sweet: granny smith, braeburn, gala, fiji, etc.), peeled, cored, and chopped

1-1/2 Tablespoons brandy (optional)

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large bowl, mix all ingredients except puff pastry. Lay puff pastry sheets flat and cut into quarters. Fill each square with apple mixture. Crimp edges by pressing down with the tines of a fork. Place on cookie sheets and bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until pastry puffs and turns golden.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Blackberry cobbler

Recently, we picked ourselves pints and pints of blackberries. Once we got them home and made a pie, we thought, Now what?

A cobbler, that's what. Easy, tart, and slightly sweet, a cobbler was the perfect second generation blackberry dessert. Served warm with whipped cream and sprig of mint, it makes an elegant last course. Or, you know, you can also eat it for breakfast alongside your Cornflakes.

Rating: Truly 1/2 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

2 cups blackberries

1 cup flour

1 cup plus one teaspoon sugar

1 egg

8 Tablespoons melted butter (or margarine)

1/2 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Mix flour, sugar, milk, egg, and melted butter. Pour into a pretty dish. Top with blackberries and 1 teaspoon granulated sugar.

Bake 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until it turns golden and middle has firmed.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.

Lemon cake with lemon buttercream frosting (vegan)

Let's just pretend we didn't say this was vegan. (Unless of course you shun all animal products, in which case, VEGAN!) This cake rocks. It's just the right amount of dense/moist, with a fantastic lemon undercurrent. And the icing? So lemony sweet it'll knock your ankle socks right off.

Our friend made this cake for her daughter's birthday a few weeks ago and everyone raved and drooled and scraped the last bits of cake and frosting up with their forks. You won't waste a crumb. This recipe was taken and adapted from Savvy Vegetarian.

We're talking cake from scratch, here. So, we're sorry to say, it's not Half Assed. But it's simple and delicious and not Full Assed by any stretch of the imagination.

Rating: 3/4 assed

Here's what you need and how you do it

Cake:

2/3 cup vegan margarine

1 cup sugar

3-1/2 cups white flour

3-1/2 Tablespoons corn starch

2-1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1-1/2 cup almond, soy, or rice milk

1/2 cup lemon juice

Zest from one lemon

Frosting:

1 cup vegan margarine

1 pound powdered sugar

Zest from 2 lemons

3-4 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a 9 x 12” pan or 2 9” round cake pans. Mix almond milk and lemon juice and set aside to curdle. Cream butter and sugar. Combine flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add dry ingredients, almond milk mixture, and lemon zest to butter mixture. Mix all ingredients together until just blended.

Spread the batter evenly in the pan(s) and bake 35 to 45 minutes until slightly golden in color and firm in the center. The 9 x 12 pan will take longer to bake than the 9” rounds.

Remove from pans and cool on racks.

For Frosting:

Using a hand-held mixer cream together margarine, sugar, and zest until smooth. Sift the icing sugar into the mixture through a medium strainer. Gradually beat in lemon juice 1 Tablespoon at a time, stopping when the icing has reached the right consistency for spreading. Refrigerate in an air tight container until needed. Allow to soften before using.

For a printable version of this recipe, click here.